Insecure.

Went to school today because my shortie persuaded me to come for one of the days. Was on the bus and then Shahira asked me to go Mac with the girls. One of the days when I finally attend school but I was late for it.

 Practically not a productive day today except playing basketball during PE. Was hilarious as throughout the whole match I was using one hand to cover my belly button and the other hand to bounce the basketball. 

Went to Student Hub to study with the mates after school, first time going to the student hub and most likely the last time as I'm not attending school anymore except for O's and all. 

The last time I saw my girl was on Saturday, and truthfully I miss the hell outta her, all her nonsense and low level answers. 

Headed to JE's Wendy's and shared a potato while waiting for the guys to end their Army and all. Wendy's potatoes are one of the nicest ive ever eaten and also quite affordable and filling. 

Went to Jem and had my virgin try on XinWang HK Cafe. Surprisingly had quite reasonable prices for the food despite it being considered a restaurant but was dissatisfied as plain water cost $0.60. 

Felt so emotional when I knew that my dreams are too far fetched away. Having someone telling me the truth which i was trying so hard to avoid, was as though it was slapping me right in the face. I'm just so delusional. I was always so insecure about how I always am, my size, my features, my height. Little criticism that makes me feel inferior just tears away all the confidence I had built up over the years. There were even times when I had secretly constantly for days puked the food I consumed every single time as I felt so guilty eating. Even though I'm not like that anymore, I just feel so insecure whenever someone points out about something I feel so insecure about, that I feel like breaking down there and then. Fighting back the tears was such a difficult task to do. I thought I was stronger, but today, I realized I wasn't that strong girl that I tried to be. 

I'm feeling so sick, having a bad sore throat with the symptoms of a fever coming up. 

Goodbye. 

Piercing.

SO TODAY............ I got a....

NAVEL PIERCING. 

It's something I've always wanted to get for a long time but I guess I do not have the guts to, or the money too. Guess I somehow gave in to temptation and pierced before my O's, even though I actually wanted to pierce after my O's. 

And my kind volleyball junior, Jasmine, was so helpful. She agreed to accompany me to the old woodlands market to pierce, which was said to only be for $20. 

More about it later. 

A last photo of my un-pierced belly to mark the day I go ' belly-pierce-free ' 

So I headed down to woodlands, only to realize that they don't do piercings anymore.

Was kind of pissed off. Kind Jasmine agreed to accompany to Queensway to pierce! So we somehow felt like we travelled around the World today with the endless travelling on the redline. 

So we went to a shop called Primitive, which only did the piercing for us at a reasonable price! 

Normal stud - $45 

Diamond stud - $50 

Titanium stud - $55 

Diamond Titanium stud - $65 

So I decided to do the Titanium one which was the safe route and also, they have many different colors to choose from! 

They have totally good services, there was this lady trying to calm me down because truthfully, I'm a loser at piercings despite having 9 piercings on my ears. 

She even made sure she marked out accurately so it will be straight. She even sanitize the seat! ( truthfully I like her because she call me skinny HAHA ) 

I'm really glad the woodlands one did not work out. Even though it's cheap, they do not really mark it out properly for you. Plus it's less painful compared to Jasmine who said that after she pierced at woodlands she couldn't stand straight. I could even chase after a bus ( in my heels ) . 

Consequences, don't chase after a bus after piercing your navel. 

Even though it's painless, blood started appearing. 

Pretty or pretty?! 

They also provide this for me to sanitize my piercing and cleanse it everyday. 

Alright. 

Goodbye! 

Stressed-like Guilty.

Another day at home after a night of studying. Still kind of disappointed with myself because I repeatedly did Math paper 1 Papers but always getting only around 60/75. Feeling so stressed that for my O's I will do worse then this, which can't even secure me a simple B. 

Feeling so guilty not attending school as I kind of abandoned this girl alone to fend for herself. ( Making it sound like she's going to War HAHA ). Okay I can't help but turn on my crazy mode whenever I'm texting this shortie or whenever I'm with her. Sometimes I even wonder how she tolerate my sudden change of mood. Nevertheless, I'm glad to have a friend like her. 

Head down to Orchard to collect my Mum's Rolex Watch as she went to repair it for I don't know what freaking reasons which cost $900. Was comparing my watch with hers, which I lost immediately. 

Sat down with my Grandma outside TAKA while my parents went to collect the watch as she couldn't walk far. As usual, she told me about how she saved money by buying coffee 30 cents cheaper without the sugar, and putting sugar in by herself. Brought tears to my eyes as she told me how she could no longer walk as fiddle as before. 

Ate at Food Republic and I swear the food is awesome. Abit too spicy for my liking though. 

(that's my grandma sitting over there) 

GoodBye!

Nostalgic.

Woke up at 10 today to head down to the market to eat breakfast with my mum. Nostalgia feeling as it had been a long time since I ate breakfast with my mum. Still remembered the last time I went to eat breakfast with my mum frequently at macdonalds was Afew years ago when I was still living in Palm Gardens. Short time with her but at least I got the chance to update her about my studies and all without getting into a quarrel with her. ( Yes we are both extremely hot-headed ) 

Headed down to Admiralty to play mahjong with my Aunt and my cousin. Been trying to persuade my cousin to go to HYSS because in actual fact, I think it's a much better choice compared to many other schools. 

Was too lazy to take out the ' nicer ' and ' less-yellowish ' tiles so we made do with this. Was feeling so uncomfortable due to my dry eyes ( cause of my contact-lens ) and also how humid it was. 

Little story about me when I was young; 

I had perfect eyesight when I was young. One fine day when my bro came home with a pair of spectacles, I was ultra jealous because he was flaunting his spectacles to me knowing that I get jealous easily whenever he have something which I do not have. 

So I did the most dumb and regretful thing I have ever done in my life, I look at the television around 1 hour a day with my face only an inch away from the screen. Literally only an inch. That caused my degree to accelerate like..... Voooooooom! 

So TADAHHH, I spoilt my eyes to wear spectacles, just to wear contact lens now. 

One little fact about me, 

Everyday when I come to school in the morning I am totally literally a blind girl as I don't wear my contacts in the morning. 

So I'm so sorry if I really look at you like I don't know who you are when you waved at me, because I can't see your face. 

My Primary 6 cousin. Pardon my red face I couldn't resist the white wine. 

I want to go to a place with just the sound of the waves filling my ears as though they are music, with the bright Sunlight beating down on my face. Such a beautiful sight. The first stop I'm going if I'm going overseas in the future is definitely Maldives. 

My bro's drawing may not look that realistic but I'm so proud of him. This is his first time drawing a real person. 

Does she look like Demi Lovato? Please no criticism unless you can do better then him. 

Don't Give Up.

This whole weekend isn't going to be that productive. Only did math today, and I won't even be studying much tomorrow as I'm going to my grandfather's house to mahjong. Actually wanted to reject my dearest aunt but I guess she was too hard to reject. 

Went to study in the afternoon with my shortie today with her heading down to tiong's subway. Did some math papers and I swear studying at subway just tempt me to eat subway cookies. ( I swear I love Raspberry Cheesecake cookie it's awesome ) 

My shortie's definition of studying. Alright I'm being mean she really did complete a Math Paper. *claps* 

Me and Cheryl's jaw practically dropped open when Nicholas Ng came and gave us our ' Children's Day Present ' . Thanks Nicholas for the Famous Amos Cookie. Totally did not expect it at all. Get well soon by the way. 

And we headed to tiong barhu's plaza and ate Eighteen Chefs it's awesome totally recommend it as it's cheap ( For students ) and also delicious. 

Pardon my poor camera taking skills. 

Went to Mount Faber Safra to pool for around 3 hours before heading home.

To everyone who's taking their examinations right now, don't give up halfway and fight for what you aim for. As long as you tried your best, there's nothing to be disappointed about. It is only when you have not put in your best efforts, then regrets start flowing in. 

GoodLuck! 

Goodbye. 

Weird Crazy Maniac Me

Been doing purely on math these few days i swear I'm becoming more stress the more I do. Weird being the one whom do things the opposite of others. Others usually feel less stress with more Practise, but for my case, I feel so dumb if I do not know how to complete a question, or if I was so confident In that question but ended up getting a wrong for it. 

It's so hard to be brave when you're scared, it's as though you feel that you will not emerge as a winner no matter how much efforts you put in. Staying strong when in actual fact, you are weak, is such a difficult task to handle. 

Met up with this girl today with my shortie Cheryl. ( Please don't kill me for posting this up ) 

Somehow that sums up my whole boring day for the day I went to school. 

I was whining to Cheryl that I should not have came to school, that I could've been sleeping at home. Ohwell, too bad I promised my shortie I will make a presence in school today. 

Wondering why am I not put into a mental asylum yet I practically look like a retard please pardon me if you had expected a post with minimum photos of me but ended up with crazy maniac photos of me. 

Basically, I literally spent the whole morning in school in vain. 

To this dear friend of mine.

There's this constant situation that has always been bugging my mind up till now. This post is directed to you, once again I have a post about you, I have so many things to say but I'm not sure whether any of these will hurt you. 

Yes, I admit, that tweet you were referring to about, was referring to you. I admit I missed all the moments we had. No words can describe how I feel about our broken friendship. 

Whenever someone mention your name, a little tingling sadness pulled in my heart, knowing that things are not the way it was. Yes I admit, things are like that, was mostly due to the fault of me. I ruined this friendship with my own hands. 

I never liked how you somehow don't favour the presence of (you know who) going out with us. If you know about me, I like having all of my good friends around me, it just makes me feel blissful. The way you always give that sad grin whenever you ask me something & I replied, I've always wondered what was on your mind every single time. 

Talking to my friends about you always brings me on the emotional side, I still remembered how you ran to the mama

Shop in the rain to purchase for me chocolates because I was in a sad/bad mood. You ended up catching the flu. I remembered how you always tried to be there for me when I got my heart brokened, even though it always left you speechless and useless. I don't like the way you feel when you feel useless that you couldn't make me happy. That just makes me not confide things to you, as I don't want you feeling all moody and sad for being unable to help me. All I needed at those times was just a listening ear, not a friend to be emotional with me. 

I'm sorry I couldn't be the friend that you want. Thank you for standing up for me when people bad-mouthed me. You were there to witness the changes in me, and playing a part in it. Thank you for appreciating the efforts I tried to put in to change myself in terms of behaviour and personality. Even though we may not be on talking terms right now, I still hope for the best for you. Thank you for researching on migraine, showing that you still care for me despite all the wounds I had inflicted mentally on you. 

Please remember what we said, we have to do well for our O's together and go to the courses that we want. Don't give up halfway. Let's just settle things after O's, I promise you, things may not be the same again, but you will still hold a place in my heart. 

I'm sorry for breaking the DM twitter thing on not replying though. 

GoodBye. 

Complacency

Somehow I feel like blogging about a topic me & Cheryl was talking about. 

'Complacency' 

Some of us may be too complacent in life, and as a result, result in a few actions or behaviour which you may regret for life. For example, being too complacent Afew months ago, that my O's was still a long way ahead. Regretting now for not starting earlier on my revision. Urge everyone to start studying and revising now and not be complacent on how much time you have left towards your major exams. 

Or maybe, being complacent that you have someone who always stuck by you at all times, thus you took that someone for granted, and lose that person in the end. 

The best way to not let someone gain pure joy by the looks of your suffering is smiling throughout the whole journey. 

Had some catch up session with these girls on Tuesday. Swear that they are such nice people to talk to. 

So Jamie was using my phone to take photos of me folding a star. So many unglams and this is just one of the many unglams. I almost forgot how to fold stars. *dumbmodeswitchedon* 

Alright short post Goodbye. 

Small gesture.

Something, or maybe, someone, showed me a slight gesture that warmed my heart today. 

Lent this book to Thundar and she returned it to me today. Was so touched to see this note on top of it when I finally saw it. Little gestures like this to show that you appreciate and you care makes me feel elated. Practically smiled to myself in class when I discovered this note. Thanks Thundar. 

My beautiful fatty finally made her appearance in school today. Been so long since the last time I saw her. Never fail to be myself whenever I'm with her, not needing to put on a facade for the sake of surviving in this judgemental world. 

Had little chats with this girl today and I swear today's a day with lots of laughter. Laughing over the silliest things, talking about our thoughts and feelings. Feeling guilty though, we skipped an Evening of studying to chat. Did not regret though, anyways I was utterly exhausted. 

There are many different parts and stories of life, it just depends on whether you want to face the optimistic or pessimistic side of it. For example: 

1) Love can be built through knowing and understanding each other more. 

2) Love can never be forced. 

爱是可以培养的。

爱是不可以勉强的。

It just depends on which side of it you want to believe in. 

( One of the profound conversations I was having with my shortie. ) 

Very few understand the inner term. 

Goodbye.