Fragile life.

Ego is a very big and profound word in the other way. 

It's something that ruins relationships because both parties do not want to admit that they are in the wrong. Will you rather admit you are wrong, or lose the person you love? 

Even if you admit that you are in the wrong, will you feel that in your heart, you're always right? Do you bear grudges? Most people do. All it takes is to forgive, but most people do not forget. 

Including me. Up till now, I bear so many grudges deep down in my heart, with so many unspoken words. 

Got this from Twitter. 

What will you do if one day, the person you love, leave this world? Will you never ever be able to move on, or move on because you know that the person wants you to be happy? 

People leaving my life as the years past,makes me feel that life is so short. When I was young, I always have nightmares of my grandma..... Yeah, I thought that human is immortal, that we will live forever, that only diseases will bring life away from the world. So I prayed everyday, that this will not infect any of us. As I grew older and realized that life & death is a natural thing, I felt so vulnerable. I still remember memories from 10 years ago, whereby my grandma will bring me to the nearby convenient shop to buy my Favourite mint mentos. What about now? It's my turn now to head down and purchase for her food, because she can barely walk long distances.. This is how frail life is. 

Treasure the ones you love because life is really very short. 

Her birthday just passed 5 days ago. How many more birthdays will I be able to spend with you? 

I'm the grandchild that she is most worried for. Every single blue blacks or abrasion that I get from volleyball, she will be the first to notice it, and ask about it. Always asking me to sit beside her so that I can tell her about my life, and to assure her that I'm perfectly fine. Many of my friends asked me when I want to get married, and my answer was, as early as possible. It wasn't because I want to settle down so quickly, it's because I want my grandma to be there to witness me getting married. Conversations will always be like ' Look forward to the time when I get married okay? I will be so pretty that you won't be able to recognize me ' ( in hokkien ) 

Your grandparents are the ones who care and love the most for you besides your parents or your siblings. So don't ever treat them like they are inexistent or don't ever dread having to visit them.  

Comfort zone.

O's coming nearer. Been blogging these past two days because I just realized that blogging makes me calmer and less stressed, because I'm able to freely say whatever I want on my own space. 

Someone told me today that he's been hearing me saying the same thing Over and over again, but I'm never ever actually showing actions. That's such a negative point about me. I'm forever doing things on the last minute, and always letting my laziness cower over me. This little engulfment constantly persuade me and controlled me, telling me that I have plenty of time left, when in actual fact, time is ticking away. 

Furthermore, I'm still in my comfort zone, enjoying life, without the slightest urge to study. MBS on Sunday, and I doubt I'm even attending school on Monday. 

The only comforting thing I can tell myself is that, at least I have a goal to work towards to. Some of us don't even have a goal on what to study and major in. Isn't it very torturous to be studying without a goal to work towards to? 

Ice-skate today. 

Even from this, life lessons are learnt. Ridiculous, I know, but it's true. 

For example, while skating, if you never ever try to let go of the sides, and skate, you won't ever succeed. Not getting out of the safe zone, being afraid to fall, you won't ever succeed in achieving what you want to do or learn. Falling is fine, but knowing how to stand up by yourself is another thing altogether. 

Using this analogy, if you never try, how will you be able to know whether you will succeed? If you never taste bitterness in life, how will you feel the accomplishment when you taste sweetness? 

Falling is fine, as long as you have some people beside you helping you along the way. 

The fact is that, by having someone beside you when skating, helps to overcome your fear of falling. Both of us were afraid of going fast, but having each other to help one another get up reassure us that we are not alone. 

Appreciate because you will never know what might happen the next day, or in the future. 

Obsession.

Around a month's time to O's, keep reminding myself that but I'm still not getting my ass off the comfort zone. Been having migraine for hours these few days though, guess it's just another excuse to start studying at a later period of time. 

Been getting obsessed over having a more well-build body nowadays. 

Cheryl's quotation; What's life without being able to eat the food that you yearn for?

My quotation; What's life without being able to wear the beautiful clothes that you yearn for? 

Thus, the conclusion we came up with was, a little indulgence in food is relevant in our lives, but controlling and trying to improve is much more of importance. Ever wanted to wear a beautiful dress, but your tummy is showing, that's why you did not purchase it? 

With perseverance & hardwork, comes progress & rewards. 

Endurance is the key to success, never ever tell yourself you cannot do it when you never once tried.I'm also someone who gives up easily on something I dislike. However, exercising really does reduces stress. Being able to run, and perspire, it's such a great and overwhelming feeling. 

Everyone has that facade that they put on, because they are so afraid to be vulnerable in front of someone. Who doesn't want to be thought of as strong? The feeling of being so helpless and weak in front of someone, just makes me feel so inferior and not worth a single shit. This causes every single one of us to put up strong walls around us, not letting anyone in. 

It isn't wrong to feel vulnerable and share your pain with someone at times though.

Maybe that someone that you found, does not mind you sharing your pain with them, because they just want to be there with you through thick and thin. 

Alright bye. 

Hope it helps anyone who does not have any motivation with anything they wanna do. 

Prediction.

O's in a months time and I'm still enjoying life. It just seem as though like I'm not scared, but in actual fact, I'm so afraid to fall. Afraid that spending 5 years in this

School will go to waste. I'm the kind of girl, with all talks, but no actions. Always claiming that I'm scared, but I'm always not trying harder, and thus, regretting in the end. 

During my trip to HongKong, I just realized how complacent I was. Singapore is such a developed country, with less worries. The only thing we usually worry about is money. Only knowing how to complain how expensive living in Singapore is, and not knowing how lucky we are. Some people in other parts of the world don't even have the ability to drink water frequently like us, much less, clean water. Since small, I'm always wasting water. What will happen if one day, Singapore is short of water? 

I did not change, I just stopped being the girl you wanted me to be. Don't expect someone to remain how he or she was like a year ago. 1 year ago, I don't even have the confidence to wear a skirt, nor a dress. 1 year ago, I cared less about my appearance, about how I was getting fatter, or gaining weight every single day from my constant bulging. 1 year ago, I rarely wear heels and wedges, preferring slippers as my footwear. However, isn't it normal to want to change for the better, to fit better into the society? I just stopped being the girl you wanted me to be, or expected me to be. 

 1 year ago, I never expected myself to be able to find someone I can confide to so freely, without any judgemental comments, someone who understood me the way I couldn't even understand myself. 

1 year ago, I never expected that I will gain friendship bonds from my bro's friends, or having my best friend being friends with them.

1 year ago, I never expected myself to become closer to the people who once had bad impressions of me. I just wanted to leave the school and get over with it, but I'm certain that I will miss my classmates when we all graduate. 

Life just can't be predicted, I never expected my life to be like that now 1 year ago, and I'm very sure 1 year later, things won't be the same anymore. Treasure whatever you have right now.