Live life for your own ,

Fragile life.

Ego is a very big and profound word in the other way.

It's something that ruins relationships because both parties do not want to admit that they are in the wrong. Will you rather admit you are wrong, or lose the person you love?

Even if you admit that you are in the wrong, will you feel that in your heart, you're always right? Do you bear grudges? Most people do. All it takes is to forgive, but most people do not forget.

Including me. Up till now, I bear so many grudges deep down in my heart, with so many unspoken words.

Got this from Twitter.

What will you do if one day, the person you love, leave this world? Will you never ever be able to move on, or move on because you know that the person wants you to be happy?

People leaving my life as the years past,makes me feel that life is so short. When I was young, I always have nightmares of my grandma..... Yeah, I thought that human is immortal, that we will live forever, that only diseases will bring life away from the world. So I prayed everyday, that this will not infect any of us. As I grew older and realized that life & death is a natural thing, I felt so vulnerable. I still remember memories from 10 years ago, whereby my grandma will bring me to the nearby convenient shop to buy my Favourite mint mentos. What about now? It's my turn now to head down and purchase for her food, because she can barely walk long distances.. This is how frail life is.

Treasure the ones you love because life is really very short.

Her birthday just passed 5 days ago. How many more birthdays will I be able to spend with you?

I'm the grandchild that she is most worried for. Every single blue blacks or abrasion that I get from volleyball, she will be the first to notice it, and ask about it. Always asking me to sit beside her so that I can tell her about my life, and to assure her that I'm perfectly fine. Many of my friends asked me when I want to get married, and my answer was, as early as possible. It wasn't because I want to settle down so quickly, it's because I want my grandma to be there to witness me getting married. Conversations will always be like ' Look forward to the time when I get married okay? I will be so pretty that you won't be able to recognize me ' ( in hokkien )

Your grandparents are the ones who care and love the most for you besides your parents or your siblings. So don't ever treat them like they are inexistent or don't ever dread having to visit them.

Comfort zone.

O's coming nearer. Been blogging these past two days because I just realized that blogging makes me calmer and less stressed, because I'm able to freely say whatever I want on my own space.

Someone told me today that he's been hearing me saying the same thing Over and over again, but I'm never ever actually showing actions. That's such a negative point about me. I'm forever doing things on the last minute, and always letting my laziness cower over me. This little engulfment constantly persuade me and controlled me, telling me that I have plenty of time left, when in actual fact, time is ticking away.

Furthermore, I'm still in my comfort zone, enjoying life, without the slightest urge to study. MBS on Sunday, and I doubt I'm even attending school on Monday.

The only comforting thing I can tell myself is that, at least I have a goal to work towards to. Some of us don't even have a goal on what to study and major in. Isn't it very torturous to be studying without a goal to work towards to?

Ice-skate today.

Even from this, life lessons are learnt. Ridiculous, I know, but it's true.

For example, while skating, if you never ever try to let go of the sides, and skate, you won't ever succeed. Not getting out of the safe zone, being afraid to fall, you won't ever succeed in achieving what you want to do or learn. Falling is fine, but knowing how to stand up by yourself is another thing altogether.

Using this analogy, if you never try, how will you be able to know whether you will succeed? If you never taste bitterness in life, how will you feel the accomplishment when you taste sweetness?

Falling is fine, as long as you have some people beside you helping you along the way.

The fact is that, by having someone beside you when skating, helps to overcome your fear of falling. Both of us were afraid of going fast, but having each other to help one another get up reassure us that we are not alone.

Appreciate because you will never know what might happen the next day, or in the future.

Obsession.

Around a month's time to O's, keep reminding myself that but I'm still not getting my ass off the comfort zone. Been having migraine for hours these few days though, guess it's just another excuse to start studying at a later period of time.

Been getting obsessed over having a more well-build body nowadays.

Cheryl's quotation; What's life without being able to eat the food that you yearn for?

My quotation; What's life without being able to wear the beautiful clothes that you yearn for?

Thus, the conclusion we came up with was, a little indulgence in food is relevant in our lives, but controlling and trying to improve is much more of importance. Ever wanted to wear a beautiful dress, but your tummy is showing, that's why you did not purchase it?

With perseverance & hardwork, comes progress & rewards.

Endurance is the key to success, never ever tell yourself you cannot do it when you never once tried.I'm also someone who gives up easily on something I dislike. However, exercising really does reduces stress. Being able to run, and perspire, it's such a great and overwhelming feeling.

Everyone has that facade that they put on, because they are so afraid to be vulnerable in front of someone. Who doesn't want to be thought of as strong? The feeling of being so helpless and weak in front of someone, just makes me feel so inferior and not worth a single shit. This causes every single one of us to put up strong walls around us, not letting anyone in.

It isn't wrong to feel vulnerable and share your pain with someone at times though.

Maybe that someone that you found, does not mind you sharing your pain with them, because they just want to be there with you through thick and thin.

Alright bye.

Hope it helps anyone who does not have any motivation with anything they wanna do.

Prediction.

O's in a months time and I'm still enjoying life. It just seem as though like I'm not scared, but in actual fact, I'm so afraid to fall. Afraid that spending 5 years in this

School will go to waste. I'm the kind of girl, with all talks, but no actions. Always claiming that I'm scared, but I'm always not trying harder, and thus, regretting in the end.

During my trip to HongKong, I just realized how complacent I was. Singapore is such a developed country, with less worries. The only thing we usually worry about is money. Only knowing how to complain how expensive living in Singapore is, and not knowing how lucky we are. Some people in other parts of the world don't even have the ability to drink water frequently like us, much less, clean water. Since small, I'm always wasting water. What will happen if one day, Singapore is short of water?

I did not change, I just stopped being the girl you wanted me to be. Don't expect someone to remain how he or she was like a year ago. 1 year ago, I don't even have the confidence to wear a skirt, nor a dress. 1 year ago, I cared less about my appearance, about how I was getting fatter, or gaining weight every single day from my constant bulging. 1 year ago, I rarely wear heels and wedges, preferring slippers as my footwear. However, isn't it normal to want to change for the better, to fit better into the society? I just stopped being the girl you wanted me to be, or expected me to be.

1 year ago, I never expected myself to be able to find someone I can confide to so freely, without any judgemental comments, someone who understood me the way I couldn't even understand myself.

1 year ago, I never expected that I will gain friendship bonds from my bro's friends, or having my best friend being friends with them.

1 year ago, I never expected myself to become closer to the people who once had bad impressions of me. I just wanted to leave the school and get over with it, but I'm certain that I will miss my classmates when we all graduate.

Life just can't be predicted, I never expected my life to be like that now 1 year ago, and I'm very sure 1 year later, things won't be the same anymore. Treasure whatever you have right now.

26thJune13

So the June holidays are ending soon. And guess what? I haven't even started on a single homework! I took my holidays for granted. Ended up as though the holidays just started, but in actual fact, it's ending in 4 days. After this June holidays, I doubt we will have anymore holidays to enjoy till after our O'levels. But ohboy, these few months just went past me like a dream, or should I say, bad dream. I'm very glad I'm kinda happy right now. Those tears that fell for the past few months, I hope i won't be that dumb anymore.

What's so wrong to wanna be happy? Trying to be happy and getting judged? It's like you never knew whose the one backstabbing you any moment. Judgmental people who do not know the whole situation and go judging me, do you know what I went through? Have you ever went through what I went through before? You are not me, and I appreciate it if you do not judge before knowing the whole story. So just because of your anonymous judging, I can't find the happiness that I want? No hard feelings or whatsoever, but will you like it if a random anonymous person come insulting you? No one is perfect.

I'm glad I have friends who never judged much of me and whatever I do, they support me and encourage me. They don't mind my retarded character, how unglam I am, how much I can make a fool out of myself because I'm not ladylike and all. I can be myself whenever I'm with them.

I may have hurt some of my friends along the way, especially to a certain someone, you know who you are. And I'm really sorry. No matter how many apologies I make, I doubt I can reverse whatever damage I had done to you. I mean it when I'm sorry. Thanks for helping me in all kinds of way, you know what I mean. You're truly a good friend. I still remembered how you were there for me, whenever I'm feeling sad, I knew who to approach. But those recent sadness I felt, I just don't wanna bother you with it. Because I know how guilty and useless you will feel, not being able to help me become happy and all. I'm sorry. Really sorry.

Just some random blogging I did since I did not blog for like 4 months or something?! Okay I know this post is boring, just ranting and all. Bye.

First .

24th's

Hello my love . Happy first month <3 I dont know how to start with this , but im just so glad to have you in my life . Thanks for being there for me whenever i need you , and being part of my life . Like i told you before , you are the motivation for me to continue . Idk how to say it too , but at least theres a motive for me to wake up now. I feel so stressed up whenever i think that its o levels this year , but when i think of you , and i know that im not alone , i feel so glad . Even though we have quarrels and all those , including that veryvery jialat one ...... hmmmm .. but im glad you never left and continued staying by my side despite knowing how bitchy i can get and how retarded i am , tolerating all my nonsenses etcetc . Your my happypill , everything about you , i love it . Im sorry for being such a pms girl , with all my attitude .. Im not sure whether im able to make you happy , but you sure do make me happy . I dont mind where we go , what we do , even if its just walking around in circles , eating nonsenses . As long as your beside me im fine with anything . Thanks for everything . I love you . <3

End of 2012 dedications

Hi . This post shall sum up about 2012 , and how glad that some people came into my life , while some never left .
2012 was a different year for me , not to say , a rough one , but I'm glad that there's this year . As I didn't study hard , and cherish what I had , I dropped to EN . I was quite devastated because it just means that I would not be able to graduate after sec 4 . I came into this class all feeling all foreign . Maybe I was too immature , too childish , and I took quite some time for the class to accept me , but I'm glad I came into this class . I met people whom became important to me , who are significant in my current life now . Without them , maybe 2012 will really be a rough year for me . This year , I went through many things , cried countless of times , almost gave up many times , but my friends were there for me despite everything . Some almost left me , but didn't in the end . I'm glad for them .

Dedication Post

Classmates :

I'm sorry for being such a bitch , and that I always am the one who is the last to hand up things ( next year also will since I didn't do my holiday homework ) , but I'm glad I came into this class . Knowing that you all did not wanna accept me in the beginning and was dreading my existence In this class was an awful feeling , hope you all accept me now :D , and let's all get good results for o'levels alright ? :) ~

Cheryl :

In this whole year , I became extremely close to you. I went on shoppin sprees with you , everything ! And I'm really so glad you stayed in my life and I'm glad I met you . Your such a sweet girl , keep encouraging me to study , cared for me whenever I'm not feeling well , tolerate my stupidness and bitchiness . I don't wanna disappoint you at all . For instance , going to the dk what fair thing organized at school because you expected me to come , and I know that If I do not come , you will be extremely disappointed . Glad I met you in my life , Love you <3

Stefanie,Shirley,Jamie :

Hi stefanie and Shirley! Remember the drama that we had at the starting of the year ? That was absolutely ridiculously funny . Let's not bother about such things and concentrate more on our O's? :) glad I met you two , because meeting you two brings more laughter into my life . Hi Jamie , remember how we went jogging and slacking ? How we went Bugis together ? :) I miss that . Sorry that I'm not always slacking with you all anymore , I will find some time next year to find you all , I'm really glad I met you and you are a significant person In my life .

Vivian and qiqi :

Hello LOL. Eating mates !? :b let's eat more together muahahaha and eat macdonalds more Tgt after school, especially qiqi ! Bonding session you know :b with me I mean hehe . Let's study hard together and go for study sessions Tgt ? ( even though my study session with Vivian always fail bec I end up sleeping ) . But YOU TEACH ME SCIENCE MAH, and it's the most boring subject ever :b ~ okay we must go out Tgt more often okay?! :)

YunJie :

Hi don't be shocked that you get this muahaha who ask you be in my class ! Let's study hard Tgt ( then u must be thinking ' I got study hard only u never ' ) , but yeah. I like quarreling with you LOL I know it's a stupid thing to say but at least it makes life more interesting ! :b please brush up on your English , I'm not trying to say mine's very good or what , but english's really a very important subject ( you don't say ~~ ) , so good luck okay?

Raina:

Hello baby <3 , even though we drifted away from each other through this whole year , but I'm still glad I have you in my life . I know that you really want me to study hard , and get good results . It's a rare moment to find a friend like you . Not to mention I love your baking ALOT ! :b all the cheesecakes and cookies . Mmmmmm, feed me until fat already :b ! Will always be there for you if you need me alright ? Love you!

2011 teammates :

Sorry that I'm not as close to you all as before anymore , but I really hope you all pass your o'levels with flying colours and that you all will get into the desires courses that you want! Those significant and unforgettable moments I had with you all in th past few years , I will never ever forget them . Let's meet up more alright ? Without you all in my life , it will just e such a boring life for me , volleyball brought life to me .

2012 teammates :

Only became closer to you all like in the middle of the year ? Because of our age difference muahahaha just joking I feel like you all the age when I'm mixed with you all . Sorry for being such a bitch at times. I love those moments when we have bonding sessions together and when we go out together to know each other more , macdonald sessions , and the laughter you all bring me . Let's try our best to be in the top 4 alright , we can do it , we must have faith in ourselves and prove those who looked down on us wrong . I love you all .

Esmin :

Hello bitch! :b enemies for life ? :x I remember how we once were enemies and seeing each other was like giving the fuck you look and the shooting daggers at each other with our eyes :b but I'm glad I met you . You helped me alot ( I think you know what I mean ) , and thanks for caring for me , for believing in me , for trusting me . I still remember how you ' broke my heart ' , so yeah, sunshines everyday for me ? :b please don't be so sad anymore , just to let you know I will be there for you when you need me alright ? :)

If I miss out anyone , it's not that I don't find you significant in my life , everyone I met this year in my life makes me who I am , and I'm glad to meet everyone of you .

*spot that If there's your photo , you made my 2012 alive*

Prommmm .

Since i have not blogged for a very long time , i shall blog about the few recent activities? starting with the latest , followed by prom photos at the end .

1.Rise of the Guardians
2.Stay at MBS
3.Prommmmm .

im blogging since i suddenly realised training's been postponed to 2 instead of 1 , and i have absolutely nothing to do . *sadlife*

so i went out with this two girls on saturday . It was suppose to be open house , but blame the pig *TADAHHHH* , i cannot wake , so yeah we meet for a movie at Plaza Singapura !

So we watched Rise of the Guardians , and i have absolutely no idea what that movie was about , whether it was cartoon or ..yknw , real people .But overall it was a good movie , definitely a catch if you believe in toothfairy , easter bunny , santa clause , jackfrost(?)

(Frap White Chocolate Mocha)
we wanted to watch the 4plus one , but in the end , its sold out ! So we bought the 6plus one and went to starbucks , whereas the place that we sat was super sunny and there were no more places left to sit .

so i was like spamming photos of avery and i swear this photo is super duper uper cute ! She looks just like a bunny !
(Esmin went to the toilet because she got coffee on her hair , she was too angry . heehee)

Look ! The place we sat was so sunny that i practically looked like a vampire with my purple contacts , red hair , and already white skin .

i hate frizzy hair so muchhhhhh.

so i shared a 11.50 combo with Esmin which has a large popcorn and a drink with a collectable cup , ( which esmin wants because shes so in love with the Easter Bunny)
we were practically cursing her bunny to die in the show because shes so irritating spazzing about her bunny . Heeeehs .

(Hi im a reindeer) so we went to diaso after the movie to play around with the things . Bought a lipbalm for taiwan trip and a eyelash curler thingy ( i forgot what its called )

and avery was like " OUTSIDE GOT CHRISTMAS TREE LETS GO TAKE PHOTO" so we went out and took photos like a tourist ! *smiles*

Avery has such bad photography skills . heehe .

i wanted to use z tripod stand because i wanted a clear photo of the three of us together , but both of them said i was crazy ... so yeah , seperate photos !

My ootd ! (outfit of the day) in case anyone doesnt know whats the meaning of it .

---------

So the day after prom , i went to stay at MBS ( Marina Bay Sands ) to celebrate my grandfather's birthday .
( i have z discount because my aunt works at the casino ) ,so yeah theres staff price . To those that wanna stay there for a night or so , it costs around $500?

My parents insisted on having a beautiful view from our hotel room so yeah , 24 floor ! ( we stayed here before and we got like .... 6floor?! so my mum was super unhappy ) the view of the Garden By The Bay , practically beautiful and since theres a balcony ,we can like go out and stare at the view . ( i stared at the view until i dont wanna go into the hotel room anymore its so breathtaking )

What its like at night . So pretty !

the left side of GBTB

before that we went up to skypark , yayy swimming . Kay not so fond of swimming ( now yall know why im so white) , but yeah my mum dragged me up .

and it started to have lightning and thunder . Look at the top right of the photo ! A lightning ! And i took it using just a Olympus camera instead of a DSLR or anything ! *tadahhhhhhhh* ! im so proud of myself . heeehs .

At night , two tables of this came in , the other table having a fruit basket instead . So we had like 2 birthday cakes . *lesigh* , and knowing that im super fond of food and red wine , they forced the everything on me.
heehes.

dont you just hate it when people assume you are drunk because your face's red , when in actual fact you arent ? oh and if anyone's wondering why im always taking photo using the front camera , its because my back camera's spoilt .

happy birthday ! <3 , please live to a ripe old age okayy .

My bro , me , dad , mum , aunt , uncle , aunt , grandfather , cousin , aunt . heehes . we took it using a tripod stand . and my uncle was super shocked that the photo's succeed . idk why . HAAH .

Anyone loves my brother more then me ?! NO . !

End off with this ugly and blur ootd of me .

--

Finally ... PROMMMMM .
hmmmmmmmmmm
i was looking forward to it because ... ( only my close friends know my motive in going there . LOL , AND I SUCCEEDED OKAY I NEEDA CHILL )

This prom entry is gonna have plenty of photos so .... yeah .

we just went to vivian's house in our normal clothes to prepare for prom .

some were eating , some were making hair ...
ME ? im taking photos and yeah using vivian's com to play audition . *smiles*

look at the two girls preparing while im like .... done .
dont blame me hehes i did practically like no makeup at all except for foundation and some blusher .

lucky my hair colour makes me look more nicer instead of plain old ugly girl .

vivian the cute girl . heehe , i was like bending down looking at her then she suddenly stared at me , stunned . i was like ... what ? and shes like ' you really very pretty ' .. awww , flattered . LOL kay stop this thickskin part and lets continue .

stefanie ! shes like so tall urgh im so jealous .

My one and only darling love .. CHERYL ! Shes like so sexy lahh . she took the longest to do the makeup *exposed*

we two were bored and the others were doing things so we took our tripod stand and took photos of us . <3

beauty pageant in progress . kay the fact is ,,,,, camera's too small to fit all of us so we had to slant . LOL.

so we took photos of us while waiting for cab , and theres like tiko bangla taking photos of us . -.- , so we ran under the block .

in the maxi cab , facing each other . People who wanna book cab in future for 7 seater , its $60 ( INCLUSIVE of booking cab )

and yeah the cab person was talking to cheryl on the phone and the driver called cheryl babe on the phone . heehe so we saw the cab person and we were like teasing cheryl .

we were facing them

everyone started taking photos of themselves so yeah ....... LOL .

evidence ! hehes .

so we arrived there and it was super awkward so we keep going to the toilet . and the first teacher we took photo with was with ....... JANGJANGJANGJANG DRUMROLLS PLEASE . with Miss Polina ! Shes a beauty !

Sonia ! So glad to see her !

Jingyee's so pretty !

So raina had a hectic day taking photos that when i told her i wanna take a photo with her she freaked out . LOL .

Pig Mr Bey !

Miss Chia ! Shes leaving so im gonna miss her so much ..

Vanessa ! sorry the photo's blurry . <3

SzeMin !

RuiJia !!

Rannie!

So i was sitting beside this guy the whole night . LOL . And he won a polaroid , that pissed me off , i still have to teach him how to use . LOL . Why i so angry ?! because i was like waving my movie tickets in his face when i won it . ZZZZZZ.